Update

Wow, I’ve been MIA from my blog lately. I can’t believe the last time I posted was towards the beginning of June, and it’s already July. Time seems to be going so fast, yet so slow at the same time.

Anyway, I just wanted to write an update. Nothing exciting has happened in my life, but I want to post about something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. For the past 2 months or so, I’ve been juggling the idea of trying an antidepressant medication after my nutritionist, therapist, and doctor all agreed it would be a good idea.

I have taken medication before for a few years, when I was much younger, because I had OCD fairly bad. Through the years, the OCD has persisted, but I’ve also developed social anxiety, anxiety around food, anxiety about driving, and anxiety around life in general. This anxiety has interfered with my life in many ways, and in a sense, left me paralyzed. Everytime I do try to face my fears, I become so anxious that I just detach. I feel so out of it, and I cannot seem to bring myself back down to the present moment. In fact, I rarely feel in the present moment. My mind is constantly filled with a million different thoughts, and that makes it hard to think clearly. And as much as I think I should be able to control this, I just cannot seem to do it

Today was my first day taking the antidepressant. I’m not going to lie, coming to this decision was very tough for me. I am one of those people who avoids taking medication at all costs (I take an ibuprofen maybe 5 times a year). I have many fears about this…what if I have terrible side effects? What if I feel emotionally numb (this is something I currently struggle with anyway)? What if this changes my personality? I feel like I have failed.  I hate feeling like I am taking a medication to “control” my thoughts. But the truth is, my anxiety is controlling me now. It has been controlling me for the past several years.

So after thinking it over a lot, I realize that I need to at least give this a try. Trusting others is something that is very hard for me to do, but I’m trying to trust my doctor and nutritionist’s recommendations. I know that a medication, even if it works, is not going to cure me. There is still going to be plenty of hard work involved. But maybe this will at least be something to help keep me afloat so that I can begin swimming towards shore. I’m trying to be at peace with my decision, and have faith that no matter what happens, I will be able to handle it.

Well, that’s my update. Not too exciting, I know. I hope to get back to blogging more, because I really do feel like it’s a good outlet for me. I hope you are all having a good week and I will update again soon.

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8 thoughts on “Update

  1. It is so nice to hear from you again; I missed reading your posts!! I am sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling with anxiety issues, and haven’t been feeling very well. You shouldn’t feel ashamed of taking the anti-depressant–not at all! No, it won’t necessarily cure the underlying causes of your anxiety, but if it seems to help you, I would NEVER judge you for making that decision. Sometimes medication can help you feel at least a bit more stable and steady, so that you can continue to work towards resolving whatever problems might be causing your anxiety. I hope you have someone to talk to, someone who can help you work through your stress and anxiety. And I am always here if you just need to email someone to vent about anything! I truly hope you are having a wonderful summer so far, and I am looking forward to your next post.

    • Thank you so much for your comment, Kendra. It really means a lot. I hope I made the right decision in trying medication (I always doubt my decisions). I do hope they can at least clear my mind of some anxiety so I can be in a better place to work on my problems. I thought I should at least try them; otherwise, I’d never know if they could help.

      Thank you again for your sweet comment and your support. I hope you are having an amazing summer as well!

  2. Oh lovely don’t feel like you’ve failed just because you’ve decided that you need to take anti depressants! Turn it around, you’re actually taking a step towards being happier, more positive, and more successful 🙂 It’s a brave thing to do, deciding to take a step you were avoiding, and you should be proud of yourself! I really hope that they make a difference and help you shake off your anxiety, you will get there, I’m sure of it!

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